Tuesday, July 26, 2016


My psychiatric nurse practitioner has a reputation for trying her hardest to use the least amount of drugs as she can to treat her patients. I am on more meds than I was with the 3 psychiatrists I was a patient of prior to her. My appointment today didn't change the size of my cocktail. We did change dosages again; some up; some down; some almost reaching maxed therapeutic dose. Playing around with all of this is getting to be frustrating.

These drugs make me groggy at night which carries over to a sluggish, drunkenness the next morning. Add to the mix that I'm easy to tears and there is no way I am ready to be on my own. It is so hard for me to not have my own income and level of independence. I was in the 4th grade when I got my first job, it was a legit job. So, what's really difficult is not having an actual timeline for when I should be able to get a job. How do I not feel lazy while I also feel drugged? It is going to take time, I know this, as difficult as it is for me to accept. In the meantime, I'm a ball of emotions, moved to tears at the drop of a dime.  

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