Saturday, July 23, 2016

2nd surgeversary

Today marks 2 years since my hysterectomy. I wish my current experience with ECT would erase this entire part of my life from my memory instead of things like date or where the dog park can be found.

My awareness of our inability to be successful with IVF was a couple months prior. My gynecologist wanted me to be completely sure of my decision, as there is no going back. She brought up trying another round of IVF, using a donor egg to implant in me, or using a surrogate. My eggs for retrieval were pretty slim pickings in both quantity and quality so that was out. People were simply missing the boat that, perhaps I was being selfish, my desire was to have a baby with Shawn; to carry that baby made of my eggs and Shawn's sperm in my own uterus.

So, even though the knowledge of my failure to become a woman who could carry her own baby already existed; this date actually sealed that for me. This date marks the time when I lost almost everything. I was gutted; left only with a single ovary.

As this day comes and goes, I try to remember and offer support to those who have gone through the struggle and those who, like my cousin, are in the midst of it. 

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