The latest taper ended last night. It was my last night taking my cocktail of 5 different psych meds. Tonight, the new 3 medication cocktail begins. One of those three meds is starting at a gradual increase. I will take that med at one dose for 2 weeks and then bump it up by 50 mg after that.
Along with this, ECT is going to every 2 weeks. Shawn is all about this. I, on the other hand, feel like I should probably be a resident. Just like drugs, I see this as another failure. NOTHING WORKS.
I didn't even want to get out of bed today. My life is quite empty. I have no job. Aside from family, I have two people I would spend time with if I actually lived near them. Those two people have been friends of mine over half my life. Friends I made here are just Facebook contacts at this point. Coworkers that I was friends with have moved, or we just stopped hanging out together once we stopped working together.
Suggestions are made to me about going out to pursue hobbies and interests. "How about this, that, or the other thing?" "Hey, how about vomit, diarrhea, or hyperventilating?"