He was a good man, a really good, good man

When my dad died, I received texts and messages via social media. Since my mom isn't on social media, a copied everything, including some messages on my oldest brother's Facebook page into an email for her to read. I thought about it the other day and decided to share them all here. I'm not using the first and last names and all are as they were written.

My smile memory is of your father's laugh. He had the best laugh. And when he told a story, he was so intense, wanting to get all the details right. He was such a kind man. - Marie G

Yesterday?! Meg I am so sorry. I knew you had been on my mind for a reason. Your dad and mom are special to me, he would always stop by the children's desk if he was in the library for FoEPL business. Of course, you know that I saw your mom at storytime. I really a go m truly sorry, but grateful that I can say that I knew him. If any of you need anything, don't hesitate to ask. - Cherese

Your Dad and my mom had birthdays a couple weeks apart. He would always call her to say say happy birthday old lady. We always got a chuckle out of that. - Becky A

Prayers to you and your family. Your dad was one of the kindest person

I’ve ever met. He was a beautiful person and will be looking down from

heaven at his family. His kind words and ways will be missed. - Lisa H

I’m so sorry, your dad was such a great man and kind person. I’m keeping you all in my prayers - Kristen B G

He was such a very sweet man. I am so sorry for your family - Sheila F

I am very sorry Chris to hear thoughts and prayers to you and your family he was a great man. - Bill D

My condolences on this loss of this gentle caring man. Peace - Nicholas A

My condolences. A great man in every way - George B

Chris, so sorry for the loss of your father. He was such a nice person and always had a great attitude about life. - Ted K

So sorry for your loss. He was a kind wonderful man and wonderful example to you kids. May he Rest In Peace. - Peggy O-C

Very sad news. The original south lake sh group is about gone now. Your parents were so good to my mom. There is a place for him. - Mickey F

Always so awesome to our clan in the days, patience- Ken R

Chris I'm sorry to hear that. Kindest man I've ever known. Bar none. Can I do anything? - Emmett

Chris, I am so sorry about your loss. What a wonderful man and a friend to the entire F family who kept a keen eye over Nana. We will always be grateful. Please share the sentiments with your mother and siblings...I know from experience it is hard to lose a loved one so close to Christmas. Today's weather should provide some peace and quiet to reflect on your beloved father. - John F

He was the family historian and will be missed - Dennis D

He was a very kind man and he will be missed. - JoElle

He always treated us all as family. He will be missed by all. - Les K

Not a specific memory but his smile could always be depended on and it would always make me smile in return. - John E

Oh Meg, I am so so sorry for your loss. I always enjoyed your stories about your dad. Sitting with you in your grief. 💓  - Mary Beth W

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I enjoyed hearing about him through your anecdotes. - Cori

 

Oh Meg!! I’m an so very sorry. Your dad was a special guy 💓️💓💓 - Laura G P

I will miss his Christmas letters. A great family history. A great tribute to my cousin John. I have fond memories of visiting their house with book lined walls! He will be missed. - Beverly 

Oh Meg, that's terrible news. I'm so sorry. My condolences to you and to all of your family. You've told so many stories about your dad that I felt like I know him without ever having met him, and that sounds like a life well lived.

I'm so sorry for today. Lots of love from over here. ♡ - Cynthia R

May you and your family find peace in his peace. We are going to drive around and look at lights tonight - I’ll be thinking about your Dad as we do. - Mary Frances 

So so sorry Meg..John has such wonderful stories and memories he shared. - Dawn A-H

Sorry for your loss, Meg. We got the news this morning. He was so welcoming when I entered the family. If you need anything, please reach out. - Alyssa H

Meg, I’m so sorry for you and your family’s loss. I always looked forward to you sharing stories about him and I know he will be missed! - Chris B

Oh Meg, I am so sorry to hear this. Your stories of him were heartwarming. Hoping all of your memories bring you peace. - Katie P

I am so very sorry for your loss, Meg. Thank you for sharing so many stories about your Dad over the years, especially loved the card and letter stories. He really did embody all the wonderful qualities of a loving father🥰May he live on in your heart with all your splendid memories. - Jenne C C

I am so so sorry to hear this, your dad was awesome and I always loved running into him and chatting with him. - Monica F M

Meg, so sorry to hear this! You have expressed so much love for your dad through posts and blogs that I almost feel like I know him 😔 Hoping for some peace for you and your family. Sending you 💓️💓 - Alaina P

 

I am so, so sorry for your loss Meg. He was such a kind soul, and I will miss getting his cards and letters this time of year 💓️. -Kyra H

So sorry he was a true gentleman. Now he and Nana can have a good chat. God bless his soul. - Mel F

Meg our heartfelt sympathies go out to you and the entire family. Your dad was one of a kind! we will all miss the Christmas letter. 😉  May you find some peace knowing he is out of pain. - Kathy S

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad. I loved reading your posts about him and how he impacted those around him. Wishing you, your mom, and family comfort and peace, especially when you recall precious memories of him. - Michelle F

So, so sorry! Your dad was definitely one of a kind. He will be greatly missed. 😘  - Korie R

I am so sorry to hear this. Your dad was such a kind and funny man. I will never forget all the conversations at Perkins and elsewhere. RIP♥️ - Brigid C

My heart is broken for you and your family....Your dad was an incredible guy. I loved talking with him and making him laugh. He was an absolute joy to be around. I'll certainly miss that Christmas letter 💓 - Linda R-F

He was one of the good ones. So sorry to hear and all my love and condolences to you and the family. - John E

Your dad was one of the good ones. Always had a smile and a laugh. I will miss his Christmas card but will always think of him this time of year. Thinking of you, your Mom, and your family in this next step. - Celina H M

So sorry to see this. Such a kind soul! Prayers to you and your family! - Beth

Very sorry for your loss, Meg. Your dad was a wonderful man. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. - Brian Q

Meg, I just heard about Dad. Mary Beth Q just called me. May God bless Mom, you and all the family with great strength and love at this time. It's surreal that he passed right before Christmas knowing how much he loved this season. I always looked forward to receiving his Christmas card and letter about the family each year. May he take part in a celestial Christmas this year. Sending hugs, Meg. 🙏💙🙏  - Bonnie M

I’m so unbelievably sorry your heart is hurting. I know through your stories what an incredible man, husband, father, grandpa, and friend he was, and the void he will leave behind. - Shelly M

I'm so sorry for your loss, Meg! Your dad was a wonderful man. 💓️ - Karen D

Denise: How blessed your family is to have had such a great father, husband and grandpa. And how he has even touched extended families lives. 💕what a wonderful life had.

Me: Denise I’m so glad you were one of the caring faces he got to see soon before he died.

Denise: aww thank you, he was just as I will remember. Sitting in his chair still cutting coupons in the hospital. Only thing missing would be your mom getting ready to prepare dinner and general hospital on the TV in their tiny kitchen. I use to look forward to going there after school

Also Denise: Thinking of all you guys, your parents show the strength of a couple being married so so long, such good people hugs.

Know that I am thinking about you and your family during this difficult time. I know it has been a long time since I’ve seen everyone but your family holds a special place In my heart from our days at Holy Cross and Perkins. Your parents are wonderful people and your father will be missed by many. I hope you are hanging in there and remember to take help from others when they offer you support. Something I have learned to do this year that does not come easily. Let people be there for you just as you would be there for others. - Ann C D

Meg, I’m so incredibly sorry. I’ve been so selfishly wrapped up in our own family problems, I didn’t see this until now. You are all in my thoughts. We’ll forever be indebted to your parents for helping us make Eddie the articulate, curious guy he still is today. - Stephanie M L

I don’t really have specific memories but omg when your dad thought something was funny, I had to laugh. Sometimes I had NO CLUE what he was talking about but, when he laughed, I laughed. He was so fun.

To get your dads Christmas card on the day he passed gave me a feeling that I have never felt before. He was a great man who built a wonderful family. I am thankful to have been a part of his Christmas card list. I am sad and sorry that he is gone, hugs for you all. - Kate E

Can’t we all just wear a mask?

I was speaking with someone of the belief that masks don't really do anything and should not be forced upon anyone. The "you do what makes you comfortable and I'll do what makes me comfortable" point of view. There seemed to be the idea that mask wearers were mean toward those choosing not to wear them. They were being picked on by those in masks. I pointed out that it wasn't like the reverse wasn't the case. Right in front of her people were calling mask wearers "assholes" and "sheeple" and whatever else. 

I decided to point out what I see is the importance of wearing a mask. There was an attempt to explain that wearing a mask isn't for your own benefit but for the benefit of others. I said that I wear a mask because my 83-year-old dad who has diabetes and end stage liver failure would die if he was in contact with COVID-19. This wasn't a situation of he could, he would. The response was that she wouldn't be around my 83-year-old dad. I'm not around him, either. He's in Cleveland. This was meant to make a point and I guess I made too much of an assumption about that point being understood.

So, here's the deal. I wear a mask because I have many family and friends who fit into one or more of the risk areas for contracting COVID. They are people with COPD. Some with diabetes. I mentioned end stage liver failure already. There some who are obese (yes, myself included). Someone I know is pregnant and she is in a state that is way out of control with the number of cases and deaths. I know people with asthma. There are people in my life who have an autoimmune disease, such as Sjogren's Syndrome, for example. I know someone with Crohn's Disease who had a proctocolectomy and an ileostomy and now lives with on ostomy bag. I know someone who came through having COVID, but now her lung capacity is not what it was. She now has a difficult time doing the singing she had so enjoyed. 

I don't wear a mask literally for the people I've mentioned. They live all over the place. I'm not in close physical contact with all of them. I wear the mask because those people have health issues that are found in other people all around me. I'm sure the person I talked about in the beginning has people like these in her life. 

I wear a mask; Shawn wears a mask; other people we know wear masks. We all wear them to protect others from ourselves. Why is it so difficult to reciprocate?

Just wear the mask. Wear it without needing a government mandate. I wear mine for you. Can't you wear one for me?....or, if you don't like me, wear it for someone else who needs you to, someone you love.

A most gentle man

Today I found out that Dr. Frank Guerra, one of the heads of the practice where I had my ECT, had died. He was the anesthesiologist. He had cancer. It seems it was too far gone when they found it.

I've written a lot about my ECT experience. It was a significant part of my life, so I will continue to write about it whenever I see fit. 

One of the strange things about my memory loss is what wasn't lost. I remember the office; the waiting room; the staff; the pre-treatment questions; getting in my gown; lying on the gurney; and being wheeled into treatment room. With all of this, I remember moments with Dr. Guerra. Some days, the nurses would have a hard time getting a vein for my IV. They would leave it for Dr. Guerra to do when I went in. He was so gentle and got it done easily. My favorite memory of interacting with him was a day when I were late to our appointment. Being late can turn into a huge trigger of my anxiety. So, I was all keyed up about it. When I got into the treatment room and he was on my right side as per usual, he brought his observation of my stress. He asked me what was going on that had me so anxious. I explained that we were late. He asked me something like, "Did you make it? Are you here?" and I said, "Yes" and he told me that that was all that mattered. He then had me relaxed and put under. He's bedside manner was sweet and kind.

My hope, that in his memory, those he taught and mentored learned one very important thing, a tender and kind bedside manner. 

#TwoMinutesLove 2018 Edition

November 1st:

I'm going to give this a shot again this year. Inspired by Shawn's flip of 1984's Two Minutes Hate into Two Minutes Love, I will attempt a positive post each day.

What was great about today? Holding a newborn. His fingers wrapping around one of mine. The soft skin that, no matter how much lotion I use, I will never have again. His funny faces as he deals with gas, pooping, and just the overall newness of it all. The wrinkles in his forehead when his eyebrows go up inquisitively. Or, when his eyebrows furrow like something has him mad. The way he was fighting sleep as if it was the greatest fight of his couple weeks of life.

With the world the way it is, everyone should hold a baby for at least a little while.

#TwoMinutesLove

November 2nd:

I was struggling with what today's post would be, which is sad, considering it's only day two. Then, something showed up in my news feed and I had something to say.

In college, I worked at the Perkins in the suburb where I grew up. One of the cooks, Keith, and I got along pretty well. I can still picture his disgusting, grease covered, baseball cap. We worked together pretty often because he was one of the head night cooks and I was often the closer on weeknights.

We would have super deep discussions. He challenged my way of thought. He appreciated books and classics. We went to see Kenneth Branagh's Hamlet when it came out --- all 4 hours of it.

Life went on and we lost touch. Thanks to Facebook, we were able to be in touch. And now, thanks to Facebook, I found out he died this week. He died much too soon. We still had so many challenging discussions and posts left to do. He may be gone now, but he certainly touched my life.

#TwoMinutesLove

November 3rd:

Today's is short. Colorado can have such amazing skies. There bright blue, cloudless ones. There are the yellow, orange, purple skies of sunrises and sunsets. Storms do their share to add to the array. Then there are the skies with a unique twist of combing types. It's never boring and we're very lucky out here.

#TwoMinutesLove

November 4th:

Oh Mila, what laughter you bring to my life.

Mila has been making videos for quite some time in her short life. They are typically done by her teenage sister - scripts, filming, editing, etc. I find them to be so funny, most of the time. She has a twin sister, Emma, who wasn't really into the whole thing. Now, though, she has started to join in and they have a YouTube channel.

If you need a laugh, watch the videos and find some others over on YouTube.

#TwoMinutesLove

November 5th:

As far as I’m concerned, our refrigerator is full of awesome. Our magnet collection is huge! But, I just want to focus on the art masterpieces that have a special place in my heart, as well as the fridge. Some from my nieces, some from when Conner was little, a Valentine I made when I was little and John Blanche sent me, and a Yoda from a little girl thanking me for prints I sent her. They brighten our kitchen in a special way. 

#TwoMinutesLove

November 6th:

The reasons I exercise my right to vote are because of the struggle of so many to earn it for me. Elections may be divisive, but the right still belongs to all who register.

"Amendment XV Right to Vote Not Denied by Race. The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of race, color, or previous condition of servitude. The Congress shall have the power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation."

"Amendment XIX. The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any state on account of sex. Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation."

"The Voting Rights Act of 1965, signed into law by President Lyndon B. Johnson, aimed to overcome legal barriers at the state and local levels that prevented African Americans from exercising their right to vote as guaranteed under the 15th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution."

#TwoMinutesLove

November 7th:

So, I need to try to focus on the good that came of yesterday's election results. There is a pretty long list of firsts that came out of the results.

Openly Gay Governor
Lesbian Mother to Congress
Muslim Women to Congress
First Native American Women to Congress
First Female Senator from Tennessee
First Female Senator from Arizona
First Hispanic Woman to Congress from Texas
First Woman Governor in South Dakota

There are so many positives to focus on in the midst of it all.

#TwoMinutesLove

November 8th:

In today's memories feed, a video from 3 years ago that one of my cousins posted popped up. I was really hoping to post the video, but I'm not able to.

One of my cousins is Monica (Monie, as my uncle called her). She has Down Syndrome and is blind. Completely blind from having to have both eyes removed due to medical conditions. She'll be 54 this month. So, at the time of the video she was about 51.

For as long as I can remember, swimming has been a huge part of Monica's life. It could be in Lake Erie; a swimming pool; in the lake at the campground where the family's RV was; absolutely anywhere.

The video is her in a swim competition. Totally unable to see while swimming a race. Think about that. Trying to keep in your lane while blind when others have goggles to help keep their eyes open.

The video isn't long. The race was one pool length. She came in second place. She bobs up and down with one arm in the air, "I DID IT!!! I DID IT!!!" and hugs and wraps her legs around the aid that was in the pool with her.

I watch it and it chokes me up. Not because of Monica's disabilities, but because of what she accomplished. Because, in her finishing, she expressed such a sense of pure jubilation. I think getting to that wall, whether she placed or not, was all she really needed to make herself happy.

#TwoMinutesLove

November 9th:

Today's thoughts are about technology.

When I was young, if you missed an episode of a TV show, you were out of luck until off season re-runs or syndication. Then, VCRs happened, so you had the opportunity to tape a show if you weren't going to be able to watch it when it was broadcast.

Now, we have DVRs; On Demand; and a variety of streaming services. You don't have to miss a thing (almost, I mean, it might not be available on those services).

Anyway, why do I have made love for this technology? When you lose your memory, you can feel like you are out of touch about so many things. One of those things can be your understanding of pop culture.

Thanks to things like streaming services, I've been able to re-watch things from the period I lost. Shawn and I had watched Stranger Things during the year that I ended up losing. When season 2 was going to be coming out, I had no recollection of season 1. I was able to watch season 1 again. It was kind of odd because Shawn would tell me that I had said the same thing or had the same reaction the first time we watched. Apparently my thought processes stayed the same even if the memory of the first time was erased.

We all know technology can be used for ill. But, for me, this is a case of technology being used for good.

#TwoMinutesLove

November 10th:

November is National Adoption Month. I'm not talking about animals this time (but this is National Adoption Weekend for them).

When I started at the rescue, one of my friends was fostering two little boys, brothers in fact. She and her husband walked them through a life in foster care with patience, emotional roller coaster rides, and love. They saw them through to adoption by a family, a family they know. Because friends adopted the boys, Brigitte and her husband are able to continue to watch the boys grow and to walk their lives' journey with them.

Foster parenting and adopting are certainly the most giving and loving paths one may choose to take. It takes a certain kind of love from a special kind of person.

#TwoMinutesLove

November 11th:

Some people, when it comes to fashion, collect purses or jewelry or shoes (fancy, designer shoes). Those are not my things.

I’m a collector of T-shirts and socks and crazy hats. I like to portray fun...when I’m feeling it. There’s something about a Groot hat with a Groot T-shirt and Groot socks that makes a day a bit happier.

Yes, I’ll be 44 in a few months. But, doesn’t a silly hat wearing 44 year old make a better world than a bad combover wearing 45th President?

Pictured, left to right: Silly fleece, Chewbacca, Light-up gingerbread-man (top), Hulk hair and eyebrows (bottom), Grover (top), Bad Hair Day (bottom), and Groot.

#TwoMinutesLove

November 12th:

Today’s post is simple and short.

I woke up to live another day.

#TwoMinutesLove

November 13th:

Today I was standing in line. The guy behind me tells me he’s going to move my hood. I’m weirded out, but thought that it may have been in an awkward position. So I said it was okay.

He read what was on the back of my hoodie. He told me he wanted to see what kind of rescue it was and my hood was blocking the writing.

He asked if it was for animals. Were we saving pets. I told him we were. He said that that’s good work I’m doing.

Sometimes a little awkward recognition can go a long way to make for a better day. #adoptdontshop

#TwoMinutesLove

November 14th:

Colorado was 2nd in the country for voter turnout last week (Next time, we need to try for 1st). Something moved people. People must have recognized the importance of the midterms. This, in my ever so un-humble opinion, seems to show a realization that one’s vote matters. Even though I’m almost as blue as you can get, the franchise belongs to red, blue, purple or any other political color. It is important to use it, important to our democracy (which is a republic, but whatever). So whichever color you voted (I do hope it was blue), I’m glad you did.

#TwoMinutesLove

November 15th:

Today was about catching up with a friend. Checking in with one another is important. "Breaking bread" with one another makes it all the better.

#TwoMinutesLove

November 16th:

Today is about gratitude for fosters of animals. We use fosters for dogs. We also have some for kittens who are very young, bottle feeding young.

We have a really great list of people who are willing to take our dogs. They see a list and pictures of what dogs are coming in and they offer to take them in. No interaction, just their best guess at which dog will work in their environment.

Then, life together happens. The fosters figure out behaviors and personalities that help us find great matches for forever homes. Sometimes the dog and the foster aren't a good match. That isn't ding on the foster's reputation. It just means that the dog's environmental needs aren't in sync with the home environment of the foster. That happens in human relationships, so why not in human relationships with a canine (or other animal).

This probably wasn't worded very well and didn't get my point across. But, animal rescue could not succeed without fosters.

#TwoMinutesLove

November 17th:

Ten years ago I was loading printers; putting in new toner; shredding documents; doing data entry; and making sure people got yard signs all for Obama’s first campaign. Oh, and explaining to people Obama isn’t Muslim.

Also, at the office I met a fascinating person. Someone with a resume as packed as could be with political work, military experience, and so much more. It was amazing to be around him. On election night, he stood on a desk and spoke to a packed office about the significance of the election in political history. He spoke to what it was we accomplished.

A few weeks ago he headed to Cox's Bazar in Bangladesh. To work with the UN once again. He was joining the UN World Food Programme (WFP). He will be spending six months or so heading up the engineering effort as part of the joint Site Maintenance Engineering Project (SMEP).

This project is focused on building better shelter, roads, sanitation, and more. The work is to get 1 million refugees a life of dignity.

Tim and I had very limited real life time together. Facebook is how I keep “tabs” on the many admirable things he does. He, very generously, contributed to a fundraiser my niece was doing to help with an orphanage in Honduras. He did it without even knowing her. I took it as a way to encourage a younger generation to have a broader world view such as his.

Tim, I have the utmost respect and gratitude for all you have done and continue to do.

#TwoMinutesLove

November 18th:

When these two are together, it brings me joy. When Jarvis uses Shawn as a pillow or when they play chase, or tug-o-war, or just when Shawn gives belly rubs, it makes me smile. ❤️ #jarvisismycopilot

#TwoMinutesLove

November 19th:

The brain is a very complex thing.

In 2016, for those who may not know which has to be few since I talk about it a lot, I underwent ElectroConvulsive Therapy (ECT). It jacked up my memory of the whole year. The bulk of the memories I do have are of the people who worked at the facility where I had the treatments.

I never had a bad experience, that I recall. Some nurses were chattier than others. One loved to talk about dogs. Another couple thought I had pretty fascinating tattoos. Many thought I had great socks and t-shirts. My last treatment was Dec. 23rd so the socks and t-shirt were a really big hit.

Anyway, we had a good rapport. Things ended on a high note. I was on the gurney, waiting to head in for my treatment. As I waited, the head nurse was over at the printer and held up a blank sheet of paper. She asked did someone mean to print a blank sheet. I piped up and said something about it being my Christmas Letter and that it was blank since I don't remember anything from the year. People laughed and that's how my ECT experience ended...with laughter.

#TwoMinutesLove

November 20th:

Just after 9/11, Blanchie and I started to give blood at The Red Cross. The last time, Blanchie couldn’t give because her iron was too low when they tested it. So, she sat on the side with the juices and snacks while I finished up.

I got done and joined her. Then I was on the floor with my feet up on a chair, the feel of blood on my face, and no glasses. Next I’m in an ambulance headed to the hospital. I pass out again, get my face stitched up, and off for a CTScan to see what’s up with the passing out because it had to be more than the blood loss. Well, it was mono. It seems donating blood and mono don’t mix.

Some time later The Red Cross wrote me a “Thanks, but no thanks” letter. I wasn’t surprised. But, the letter went on to tell me I couldn’t give ever again because I had some fucked up (my words, not theirs) liver enzymes. I had a sense of relief because I was feeling scared about giving again after the mono debacle.

Years later, The Red Cross wrote me again. They said I could give. There were advancements in testing that meant my liver enzyme issue was okay. But, it didn’t make any advancement in calming my fears. I felt guilty, but my fear was felt more.

Fast forward many years to this summer. There was a shooting of a mom and her three sons not far from where we live. The mom and one son were both severely injured. One son managed to be okay. The third son died. There was a need for blood and a drive was set up. I decided that the world is a fucked up place and kids are dying from senseless violence so it was time to give again.

And I did...with Shawn by my side. I survived - no passing out, no feeling wheezy.

Tonight we did it again. I got an email from Children’s Hospital that they need 20 whole blood donors by the end of the day tomorrow. They were at 3. Tomorrow we couldn’t get down there. I called to see if we could get in today. We could, but we had to pretty much leave right away because of the distance.

We did it. When we got there, 7 more people had donated since the email.

YAY SCIENCE! Because of it you get to do good things, you get to save lives.

#TwoMinutesLove

November 21st:

Jarvis and I were out for a walk. We came upon a couple of hockey sticks leaning upon a fence. They had the tightly, twisted tape spiraling the stick's end and then the tape wrapping over that. And, BAM!, a flood of memories came rushing to mind.

There's the pot of boiling water for molding the rubber mouth guard. Also, heating the stick blade just enough to increase the curve without drawing the attention of the referee. And, the other kitchen memory was the game night dinner of pasta, I distinctly remember cavatelli.

There were the changes from entirely metal blades, to black plastic, white plastic, and clear plastic coverings. Metal cage face masks moved aside for the super trendy Itech. Our local rink went from a chain link fence around it to plexiglass for a more modern feel.

My 3 brothers played. My sister did for a little bit, but I don't really remember that. There were lots of games and I spent lots of time in the rinks. A rink rat, you may say. I kept track of shots on goal for one team. Sometime worked the light behind the goal to indicate a goal was scored. I even worked in the scorer's box filling out the paperwork.

I haven't thought about this stuff in years. Possibly wouldn't have for years to come if it wasn't for seeing those sticks. They aren't important memories, but they make up part of my youth.

No matter how small or mundane a memory may seem, don't take it for granted. Take it from me, you never know when you will lose even the tiniest trip down memory lane. Random things that come to mind may make you smile for just a little while and who can't use some more random smiles?

#TwoMinutesLove

November 22nd:

Thanksgiving always gets me thinking about food. About food memories. I always think about my mom’s stuffing and gravy. Then I move on to thinking about her Yorkshire pudding and her stuffed flank steak and her peach pie. I’m grateful for her recipes so I can get that taste of home.

Today I got to thinking about how everyone probably has a favorite food from their family. Not everyone is a cook, but maybe it would be good if everyone became one for just one thing. Learn that recipe from your mom or dad or grandparents that speaks to you of happiness - become a master chef of that thing. You’ll have the memory in your hands, your hands working on making that favorite thing, and spreading happiness.

#TwoMinutesLove

November 23rd:

Well, this may be kind of an odd one.

I was watching TV and there was a woman with a crazy top on that was all about boobage. There must have been some tape involved to keep those things under control.

Just a little over 16 years ago I decided it was time to give getting a breast reduction another try. I had insurance that was actually going to cover it. I just needed to do it.

It was an extremely emotional experience. The idea of feeling free from the burden my breasts had been was overwhelming. I found a surgeon who walked me through the experience. He was a gentle man. The compassion he showed me helped more than he can ever know. He went to bat for me when my company's short term disability insurance wasn't going to get me the time off that he deemed appropriate. He was amazing. His surgical skills were top notch. His bedside manner was on par with them.

Obviously surgical skills, diagnostic skills, etc. are so important in the medical profession. However, compassion and gentleness play a part in treatment and healing. If you are able to find a medical team that encompasses all of those things, you are better for it.

#TwoMinutesLove

November 24th:

Once again, I found myself struggling with what to write. I started to think about work friends. Work friends are different than friends or family, but just as important to the passage of time we call life.

I was out walking Jarvis and, as often happens, I started to think. I've been missing my work friends. Missing our weird lunches. There have been McDonald's Diet Cokes and my regular Coke because give me all the calories. Sometimes fries would be added. There's been La Croix, but I won't touch that. Then there are "Meg Sized" pieces of cake. Throw in some avocado. Maybe some Gouda spread/dip from Costco is in the fridge. How about some Nearly Naked Popcorn? Or, on days which are all the things, we order ALL the appetizers from Old Chicago because Tuesdays are a thing, a horrible thing.

Enjoy your work friends and the quirky things you may share with them that aren't like the things you share with anyone else.

#TwoMinutesLove

November 25th:

Today is going to have to be simple.

Find something positive from the day.

#TwoMinutesLove

November 26th:

Animal videos. How awesome are animal videos? There are funny ones, heartwarming ones, unfortunately there are heartbreaking ones (for the sake of this post, we'll ignore those).

Videos with dogs or elephants or maybe even both get me all the time. Sometimes even cats might bring some smiles. Sharing animal videos is one of the high points of the internet. If you're feeling off and meh, an animal video might be just what you need.

#TwoMinutesLove

November 27th:

Today's positive thing is the end result of the events at Walter Reed. With the conflicting reports that led to confusion, the positive thing, in the end, is that there was not really an active shooter.

Now, get your shit together folks.

#TwoMinutesLove

November 28th:

You know what doesn't happen enough lately? Well, at least to me it isn't happening enough.

Laughter. Almost-pee-your-pants-and-hyperventilate laughter. It's so powerful. It helps so much when the shit is hitting the high speed proverbial fan. When there's a ringworm outbreak at work, you have to have a sense of humor. When there's another mass shooting or just the daily news involving the motherfucker "running" this country, you need to run toward humor and embrace it.

So, here you go, some humor. It isn't gut splitting, but it's funny.

Baby is unsure on his feet and steps on trunk from r/babyelephantgifs

#TwoMinutesLove

November 29th:

Every one should have a Blanchie. Even better than having a Blanchie is having a Blanchie who texts. And, I was glad to have my Blanchie today since I was feeling all kinds of yuck. Texting with Blanchie is like that proverbial box of chocolates in which you never know what you are going to get.

#TwoMinutesLove

November 30th:

I was trying to figure out what note on which to end the #TwoMinutesLove post that made up November. Then, my memories' feed had a post from 3 years ago that seemed pretty good. This isn't the entire post, but the part that I found worth repeating.

"I try to make people happy. I don't mean this in the 'people-pleaser' way. I'm talking about bring a smile to someone's face, let someone know I'm thinking of them. Sometimes, it's a post, an e-mail, others it might be just a little something to say, 'Hey, I saw this and thought of you.' So, I try to do what I can to counteract the yucky parts of my day, the horrors of the world in which we live."

I still try. Maybe I'm not as good at it as I used to be or should be, but I hope I haven't become so consumed with myself that I don't express even a bit of thought towards another. Perhaps when I have more money I will be able to give a physical representation of my thoughts for others. In the meantime, just know that I wish you happiness.

Until next November...

#TwoMinutesLove

I'm kind of an asshole.

Um....no, I am an asshole. I know some out there think I'm much worse than an asshole. But, for the sake of this post, let's just leave my stats as asshole.

I have worked in the food service industry and the retail industry. Both are industries I think should be mandatory for everyone to work in for at least some time in their lives. I think this because I feel it will make people better customers. The shit you have to put up with in these lines of work should teach you how not treat others when you are on the other side of things. I still believe this to be true...for the most part...except when I fail at it.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I work in the office. There is an Einstein Bros. Bagels on my drive. So, I tend to grab a bagel on my way. I have a rewards' account with them. When I buy a bagel, the bar code is scanned to do a check-in and is always a card for payment. Not that long ago, there was a problem with my account and I wasn't getting my points. I was really frustrated about this. So, the next time I went in, I started complaining to the cashier. I was getting more worked up than I should have.

Later, I thought about how ridiculous I had been. I pulled out my past job experience and thought about how the cashier had absolutely nothing to do with my rewards' app. It was so far above his pay grade that no amount of complaining on my part was going to get me anywhere. Even if I would have asked for the manager, it would have been dumb of me because this wasn't an issue management could handle. So, I felt horribly guilty about the way I acted toward the kid.

The next time I was in and the kid was working, I apologized. He didn't remember what had happened, but I told him it wasn't fair of me to behave that way. He thanked me for apologizing even though he didn't recall the situation.

Forward on to last week.

Next to the Einstein Bros. is a Starbucks. I stop in it, too, on my way to the office. Last week, while I was in there, a man and a woman were having a loud argument. It was some road rage/parking lot based fight. The woman was behaving much more ridiculous than the man. She was so loud and purposely drawing the attention of everyone. I had placed my order and was trying to get out of the way of the register. This location has an unusual setup. She was blocking my way. It took me a few attempts at "Excuse me" before she finally got out of the way. The man had gone outside, but she was still carrying on. I was waiting for my drink and my blood pressure was rising. She had gone way overboard. Finally, I just burst. I told her she was being ridiculous and should stop or leave. She then starts in on me about how it was none of my business. I told her she made it my business when blocking my way and with the way she was carrying on with the intention of getting everyone to hear here. I can't remember what else was said, but a barista told her to take it outside. I got my drink and exited. The man was on the phone with the police. They talked to me, but let me go because there wasn't really anything they needed from me. I left.

Later, I was ashamed at how worked up I allowed myself to get. Again, it was something ridiculous on my part. I didn't need to interject myself, even if the lady had been blocking my way and yelling to everyone.

A couple days later, when I was back in that Starbucks on my way to work, I apologized to the baristas who had been there that day. I told them there was no call for me getting worked up and raising my voice like that. They said there was no need and that the woman was being inappropriate. But, I still felt it was the right thing to do. No one needs their place of work made uncomfortable. Granted, I wasn't at the level of the lady, but I certainly didn't help matters.

Sometimes, you just really have to take stock of your behavior and recognize that just because someone's job is to "serve" you, your place is not to treat them or their work environment with anger and hostility.

It's a new week with new stops in at Einstein Bros. and Starbucks. Let them be free from me being an asshole.

I'm Jessica

Shawn and I went on a road trip for our 10th Anniversary. This was from our first night, Sunday, August 5th, 2018. I posted this on Facebook while we were on the road:

Night one of our trip was quite something. We had a long day of driving and tourist-ing (I know it's not a word, let me be). We were so close to our hotel, but I hadn't packed ibuprofen and also had developed sinus congestion so we had to stop at the gas station next to the hotel. There wasn't another option close by. I had to pee and I knew I wasn't making it to the hotel.

Seeing as it was me heading to a public restroom, something odd happening was not unlikely. I'm all about in and out as fast as possible in a public bathroom. I could hear stuff happening from the stall next to and I tried even harder to pee and flee. Then, I hear talking. In the age of cellphones, I assumed I was not part of this. Wrong. "I don't know who is in here right now, but I want someone to know my name. I'm Jessica" said the voice from the stall. In my anxiety-induced-socially-awkward state, I said, "Um. Okay." Washed my hands and left.

I told Shawn about it and that I didn't know what to do. I decided to tell the attendant. He said that he'd check in and that the graveyard shift see a lot of things.

We get to the hotel and check-in. Shawn heads back to park the car which had been sitting by the main entrance while we unloaded. It took him awhile to come back. I came to the lobby to get ice and saw Shawn standing by a window. He is talking to someone who was crying. I went back to the room.

Shawn came to the room. I asked him who he was talking to and he said it turned out to be Jessica...gas station bathroom Jessica. He was going to take her to Walmart, which was a good 10 minutes or so away, and wanted me to come for various reasons. She was a mess. Quite possibly a drugged out mess, but a mess just the same. He had given her our leftover pizza. She was so hungry. He gave her the cash that he happened to have. The trip to Walmart was to put the cash on her debit card in order to use an app that would get her a bus back to where she needed to be. When we dropped off, I gave her the fruit we had and a small package of Kleenex. She confessed to us that she did steal the energy drink from the gas station and knew it was wrong.

There were several "Sirs" and "Ma'ams". Some were with "Thank yous" and some were with "Yeses" or "Nos" in response to questions or instructions.

In the end, like the lost duckling we found about a month ago, we found a place for her to go and all we can do is hope for the best outcome of safety and being reunited with her friends and family.

Shawn is loving and compassionate and will go out of his way to help someone/thing in need and I am lucky to have him as my husband.

Should have

There's the old "coulda, shoulda, woulda" adage of life. We all have moments of our lives that we wish we had played out differently. There are some times that are filled with more regret than others. It's life. But, that doesn't make it easier.

When I was a kid, there was this woman from our church who was active in some of the same groups as my parents. She was an Italian woman who was part of a Pre Cana group for engaged couples. She cooked for them and wore her "Signora" apron. Her husband had his matching "Signore" apron. That was my first memory of Mrs. Scotese. I was still pretty young when Mr. Scotese died, so I don't have many memories of him outside of his apron wearing.

Mrs. Scotese was a grandma, literally, but also in character and personality. She wasn't an older person toward whom I felt awkward. I would approach her without hesitation. With some of my "shyness" (read as "anxiety") it was nice to have someone who made me comfortable.

Her name was Eleanor, but to most she was, "Ellie". To me, she was Mrs. Scotese since I was a kid. My parents probably would have laid into me if I tried calling her, "Ellie". She drove a Cadillac with vanity plates that read, "Elle", if my memory is right. I can't remember the order, but one Cadillac was a burgundy color and then there was an cream color. Seeing that car parked at church brought a smile to my face.

She lived down the street from us. When she would drive by our house and I was outside, she would honk and wave. I loved that. She was also a school bus driver. Her bus route took her by our house and, again, she would honk and wave. I looked forward to it.

Then, I grew up. Then, I moved away. Then, I wasn't so good at keeping in touch and visiting. Then, we became Holiday greeting card exchangers. I would hear things here and there from my parents.

Two weeks ago, I was in Cleveland. Mostly to spend time with my parents. I thought about Mrs. Scotese. I asked them about her. She wasn't down the street at her house anymore. But, she was down the street in the other direction at Hospice. She was in her 90s and she was declining in health. I kept thinking I should head down to see her. Maybe take my dad with me. My mom was still recovering from some stuff and I figured it wouldn't be wise to bring her. Visiting kept popping into my mind, but I never did. I shoulda.

This morning, I found out she passed away. I wish I would've visited. But, I can picture her honking and waving her way out of this life.

Jarvis, the reluctant...hero?

So, just a little description of the neighborhood to help with the story. We live near a retirement/assisted living/ nursing home/rehab facility compound-ish thing. We also live amidst a paved trail system. The two things come together when the trail goes along the back of the patio homes portion of the old people village. Shawn and I refer to it as "the retirement home path". So, the north side of the path buts up against patio homes and the south side is next to grass, trees, benches, and a waterway. At a certain point, the patio homes end, there's a space (probably two car widths) and then the start of a series of garages.

There you have it; our stage.

Last week, Jarvis and I were on a routine walk on the retirement home path, heading east toward home. We could see an old lady staring at something by the split rail fence near the garages. As Jarvis and I get closer she says, "This must be yours." I look and there's a little, white dog just hanging out. So, obviously, I have a big dog on a leash and I'm heading toward a roaming little dog, it must be mine. Dog parenting for the WIN! I told her that it was not and kept on our way with Jarvis' poop in a bag on the way to the poop station.

Then, an older man comes from the other direction and I hear, "Certainly, this must be yours." Again, her theory gets rejected.

DAMMIT! I can't do it. I can't keep going. The dog must be rescued; the owner must be found. We head back. I try to find something to hook Jarvis' leash to so that he secure while I go play some kind of  canine savior. Once Jarvis is hooked, he loses his shit and barks like the goddamn Mailman is trying to do his job and deliver shit.

Meanwhile, I head over to the little dog. I'm not good with breeds, this one looks like it took a frying pan to the face a la "Tom & Jerry" and is forever pissed about it. It also has a tail the stands up and strands of hair hang off of it, kind of like the ribbons on a May Pole before they are May Poled.

I pick this light weight, white, ball of fur up. I'm not sure he's even ten pounds. He gives me the evil eye. What the fuck? I'm trying to find his fucking home and he's so ungrateful.

While all of this is happening, I'm hoping for a large number of seniors who are hard of hearing to living around there because Jarvis cannot get his shit together. I look over and he did some kind of twisted flip without actually strangling himself. Resting bitch (I know, Oscar is a boy dog) face is shaking and growling at Jarvis. I sit down on a curb near Jarvis hoping he might shut up because the dog is not a threat to him. I'm looking at Oscar's collars and I try calling the licensing office. It is a recorded, pick-a-number menu. I decided holding the dog and Jarvis barking are not making this phone call easy. Then, I decide to go to the apartment building hoping for a front desk with a receptionist who can take over for me. Me walking away brings Jarvis' desire to be recognized and hear to the next level. I get to the apartment and there is no front desk and you have to be buzzed in. I don't think a random buzzing to some apartment tenant is going to get me anywhere.

I go back to Jarvis; back to curb sitting; back to collar tag looking. Oscar's "Oscar" tag has two phone numbers. One didn't work. The other went to voicemail so I left a message with my phone number. There I am with Jarvis chained up and barking and a small dog giving me the stink eye. I unhook Jarvis and he wants a piece of Oscar. He's jumping and Oscar is growling while giving Jarvis the death stare. I'm trying to get Oscar to higher land (aka my upper body) because Jarvis wants an ass sniff and a piece of the angry little devil. Fuck me! Jarvis pulls out a tuft of hair. Then another tuft. I get Oscar almost on top of my head while using my other hand to try to choke up on Jarvis' leash so he can't jump high. And, while all this is happening, while Jarvis is jumping around me, there is a bag of shit in my pocket!

I'm almost in tears while also wanting to laugh thinking about what this must look like. For a moment, I think, well, I'm going to have to bring Oscar home and wait for the call. Then I realize, how the fuck am I going to walk home with these two and then what am I going to do with them once I get their. UGH!!!

Finally, I decided it would be best to walk around the senior village and hope for someone to know or own this dog. I didn't pay attention to the name on the voicemail so I call back and get the lady's name. We're walking along, the three stooges, and Jarvis' gets one more tuft of hair!!! Then, there is a woman out in front of her home. I asked if she knew the woman from the voicemail. She did and told me she was in the home next door to where I was. She said something about how it must be Oscar or....I stopped her and said that it was, indeed, Oscar.

Jarvis and I take Oscar to the door. The woman was asking him if he got out again. She mentioned that he did spend a night in jail once. That was about it. I kind of expected a bigger thank you, but I guess if this is a pretty routine experience, she has become hardened to the ways of appreciation.

Maybe Oscar is trying to get away from something and maybe that something has frozen his face into a permanent expression of hatefulness and inner rage.

Crazy Eights

This year we add to our triple 8s wedding anniversary another 8. It's been 8 years since our 08-08-08 wedding.

That day was so great! Shawn and I had a blast and pretty much regret nothing about how it went. Everyone got to experience what I love about Shawn, especially his humor. His vows may have had some laughs involved, but they did demonstrate his loving nature.

We didn't use traditional wedding vows at our ceremony, but those vows have certainly played a huge role in our marriage. Unfortunately, they have been lived out in a lopsided way. Shawn getting the short-end of the proverbial stick when it comes to sickness, for sure.

I love him and am ever so grateful for his love for me.

Where did he come from?

Back in April, I started my acute ECT. So, 3 days a week of Shawn driving me and taking care of me afterward. He loaded me up in the car and then got me home and to bed.

He has been working from home this entire time. I am so thankful for his company being so supportive. I still cannot drive. Also, I haven't been released to being on my own for long periods of time. He can leave me for a couple hours at a time. How does he do this? I haven't been the best girlfriend/fiancée/wife through the 13 years we've had together. Now, I am so entirely dependent upon him and he just steps in and handles it.

And now, tonight, he adds to his amazingly selflessness by helping out a friend (more of an acquaintance) move a couple of things. Since I can be by myself a couple of hours, he offered to do it. It isn't this guy's full moving day. He just needed a couple of people to help move a couple items. So, he takes a break from babysitting me to help an acquaintance move a couple of things.

Really? How does someone so giving exist? How did I get this person as a husband? Will I be fortunate enough to keep him?

I love April 1st

This is one of my many loved pictures of my husband. I can't handle the cuteness. His little fists curled up like he's going to burst with excitement.

Today is Shawn's birthday. Yes, April Fools' Day. Because our relationship started with snark and sarcasm, I didn't believe him when he told me he was born on April 1st. But, he was and he is anything but a fool.

Well, unless you count his being a fool in love. BA DUM TSS!

Seriously, he is no fool. He is self-taught in computer programming and has made his career in software development with all that he's learned. As I've written before, he is an inspiration with his courage to follow his dreams.

I love him. Loving me has not been easy, I know. We've been together a little over 12 years. Those twelve years have been, not a roller coaster, maybe more of a tornado or hurricane. He is my constant when my winds of fury storm through our lives. When depression weighs heavily upon me, and therefore on him, he is able to keep grounded. Now, as we prepare for my ECT to begin, he is able to look for hope when I can't. When the idea was thrown out there for me to get this treatment, his reaction was, "Okay, if this is what can make things better than this is what we need to do." When I start to get anxious about how I will need an around the clock babysitter as part of this treatment, he is there to say that it will all work out; he will work from home if that's what it takes to get me better.

I'd like to think I would have the strength to be for him what he is for me. I hope I would.

I love you, Shawn. Happy Birthday!

With locks and locks of love.

Back in the summer of 1999, I was at a wedding and had one of those moments in which I felt like a total ass-hat. One of my brother Mark's best friends was a groomsman along with my brother. Frankie was Frankie and on his motorcycle in his tuxedo with his goatee and crazy long hair. I'm not talking about his awesome hockey hair mullet of his youth. I can remember my eye-rolling thought of, "Really, Frankie? That hair?"

Later that evening, my sister told me that she had been talking to him. He told her that he was planning to donate some of those locks. In that instant, with that piece of information, I had that moment when "Don't judge a book by its cover" really hit home. It was an epiphany for me; a mirror being held up to show me myself and put me in my place.

And, that was when I decided to follow Frankie's lead. For almost 17 years now, I have gone through the cycles of growing and donating my hair 5 times.  As 2016 starts, I have decided I would make my 6th and final donation. With that, I decided to go big and not just chop off some hair. 

On June 2nd, 2006, Frankie Soltesz died in a horrifying and sudden way. For many people, the news story of his death was the only way they "knew" Frankie. Fortunately, I was witness to the real Frankie. He was truly the best friend a person could have and I'm grateful he was that for Mark.

Every donation I have ever made was done with Frankie on my mind and that lesson about not being so quick with judgment and criticism.

Thank you for your service

Today is Veteran's Day here in the U.S. I could have and probably should have written this post already. It shouldn't be taking a national holiday for me to actually do this. Trust me that I don't need a day in November to get me to think about service men and women and a day in May to remember those who died in service of this country.

When I say, "Thank you for your service" there is so much more behind it than those few words. It feels like a trite thing to say. It is meant to express gratitude but doesn't quite cover it.

So, here's all that is included in my "Thank you for your service."

Thank you giving up who you were to the person you would become; for giving up time with your family and loved ones. Thank you for giving up bedtime routines and the many "firsts" of a child's life. Thank you for your willingness to miss out on so many of the ordinary routines of life as well as the big moments. These sacrifices are beyond my ability to truly understand, but know that I realize they exist.

Thank you for surviving. You may have moments during which you wish maybe you hadn't. I understand the darkness even if I don't know yours. Thank you for your daily survival of the war you may be fighting within yourself.

I'm sorry that our expression of gratitude pales in comparison to what you have done.

Thank you for your service.

Just wait a minute

November 1st is probably as good a time as any for a retail themed post. I am this blog's resident retail expert, so this task falls to me.

The other day I overheard a woman who was annoyed about how long she had to wait in line. Five of the six registers were running.  The sixth probably would have been open, but, what people don't seem to understand, is that there probably wasn't a person to run that one. Many reasons can account for that; if everyone is pulled on to register, then no one is on the floor to help you (lady who would probably complain about not finding anyone on the floor); scheduling tools use the previous year's sales to determine the staffing for the current year, so if last year was dead and the current week hasn't been unusually busy, chances are the store wasn't planning on things being busy; and, maybe, just maybe, that register has experienced the blue screen of death.

Anyway, this whole thing just got me thinking, "What the fuck is wrong with waiting in line?" If you are so tightly scheduled, maybe running in for clothes isn't something to try to squeeze in...like those jeans... After all, Murphy makes the law and he gives no fucks. You're in a hurry to get that sweater? Well, according to statute 101c of the Law of Murphy, rushing to by a sweater is punishable by a full system crash and need for reboot. Decided to make a quick stop to grab a couple of your favorite tank tops? Not without paying the penalty of cranky-customer-holding-up-the-line-to-berate-16-year-old-cashier-who-obviously-makes-all-policies.  Like I said, Murphy has not one fuck to give.

So, here are some things you can do with your line time.

Quality Time
See that kid you brought with you? The one watching the world for cues on how to behave in a store? Interact with your kid. Teach him/her patience through your example. Have a conversation, even if you have a baby with you. Embrace the moment and connect with your tiny human.

Breathe
Pretty self explanatory, I believe.

Sort
Instead of getting to the register, having the cashier scan everything, and then deciding that you don't want something, do it in line. This doesn't mean that you dump the stuff you don't want some random place along the way through the line. Simply give the items you are opting out of to the cashier. Crazy, right? I mean, who would think of doing something like that? Yep, I'm a genius, a genius of manners and courteous behavior.

Prep
Here's something I learned from my parents. Use your line time to get things ready to be checked out easily. This can be something like taking clothes off of the hangers. Another is to get the tags out of whatever little places they got themselves tucked. I learned how to prep greeting cards for the cashier from watching my dad. Once he selected a card, he grabbed the envelope, slid the card upside under the flap so that the bar code was exposed for the cashier. I've even heard cashiers thank him. Such simple things.

Strike Up A Conversation
This makes me shudder, but some people don't mind striking up a conversation with strangers. I can't do it, I don't want it done to me, but others don't think that way. I'm just throwing this out there.

There's An App For That
Use your smartphone for good. Find an app that calms you. Not a Facebook or Twitter, but something to slow you down, to keep you from stressing out. There are coloring apps because of the new trend in adult coloring for calm and peace and zen and whatever. I find crossword puzzles to be a nice distraction.

If you do prefer to use a social media app, perhaps consider posting a selfie of yourself patiently waiting in line. #patienceisavirture #thisiswhatpatiencelookslike

So, just remember that lines happen and that's not a bad thing.

Why we can't have nice things

If anyone, anyone at all asks why we can't have nice things, the answer is assholes. Assholes who have no regard for people's personal nice things and for public nice things.

I will admit to having had my asshole moments. Back when I was a smoker, I would flick my butts out the window of my car or stamp them out on the ground. I didn't really think much of it. The idea of those things as littering never occurred to me. The more I walk Jarvis around the neighborhood and through parks the more I notice litter, including cigarette butts. I don't get it. Assholes, however, don't seem to notice or care how it takes away from the niceness of the neighborhood or park. They are just selfish, lazy assholes.

The asshole factor revealed itself in a different way when my husband shared an article with me. "Fans" of "Breaking Bad" have been throwing pizzas on the roof of the house filmed in an episode. The people, an older couple, who actually live in the house have had to deal with these assholes thinking that their home is fair game for idiotic assholery. If you go to the link for the actual article, you can read the show's creator Vince Gilligan's response to this specific type of asshole.

The United States exported some assholes in the form of tourists to Italy. One California asshole chick is like, "Woo-hoo! Let's take a selfie at the Colosseum." The other CA asshole expands on that with, "Wait, wait. You know what would take this selfie to the next level? Carving our initials in one of the walls and then posting it online!!!" Who the fuck are these people? Who thinks this is okay? Seriously, taking a selfie wasn't enough for them? They get busted and say, “We did not imagine it was something so serious.” Really? REALLY? REALLY?

Last month a story was making its way around the news and the web. The story involved assholes who are raising potential assholes. Among all the historical memorials in Washington, D.C. is the Vietnam Women's Memorial. Photos were popping up showing a couple of small girls climbing all over it. This sparked a debate as to whether this was disrespectful or not. I think the small girls were innocent of disrespect. They probably have climbed around on statutes at libraries and playgrounds that are kid friendly. The real assholes in this situation are the parents. Asshole parents are a special kind of asshole. Assholery doesn't have to be passed on to the children. I don't think, at least I really hope, that there isn't an asshole gene. I want to believe that this event hitting the internet and the news will snap the parents out of their asshole ways and teach the girls not to become assholes themselves.

Don't be an asshole and fight the asshole powers that be!

The lessons my father showed me

One of my favorite pictures of my dad,

Today is my dad's 78th birthday. I got to thinking about all I've learned from him. He's not so much a talker who sat all of us down and said these are things that are important in life. I learned life lessons through his actions and there are many.

Family - The ties that bind

His immediate family was not very big. He had his parents and his younger brother. But, he grew-up in a neighborhood surrounded by his aunts, uncles, cousins, and the list goes on. His family even shared a duplex with my great-grandparents.

He has a vast knowledge of his family's history. Not only his side, though. He probably knows more about my mom's side than she does.

It's important to know where you come from and who shared in that journey. His famous Christmas letter is just one example of his appreciation of all the family has done and where it has been. It's also important to stick together. If he had his way, everyone would still be living in the same neighborhood.

Education & Culture - Find a way to learn

I don't know how he and my mom did it, but they made sure we had many ways to be educated and to experience culture. Having 5 kids was not easy in general, but providing those kids with so many opportunities must have required an extra layer of strength.

When I was young, I had no concept of money and how it played into our lives. Looking back on my childhood, I can't believe how fortunate we were despite not being the most financially fortunate.

My dad has never taken living in Cleveland for granted. People may mock it, but it is truly a cultural mecca. No, really, it's not just my northeastern Ohio pride showing bias.

From a very young age, we knew about Wade Oval and University Circle. He got us family memberships at museums and then registered us for Saturday morning courses. I would probably not have gotten the chance to walk over a shark tank; search for mudpuppies in a river and then check for leeches when getting out; learn about the behind-the-scenes workings of museums; and much, much more without those classes.

He and my mom also wanted us to have the best education they thought possible. For them, that was in a Catholic school. That came at a price and tuition for 5 kids was a big price tag. Seriously, I don't know how they managed that, but they did.

Just upon entering my parents' house, the importance of books, fiction and non-fiction alike, is obvious. And, the value of books goes hand in hand with the importance of libraries. He supported the local library with countless hours of work with the Friends of the Library. Also, later in his life he worked for the county library system by helping area libraries at the reference desk on weekends.

My dad knows that television also has its contributions to culture and education. He supported public television with volunteer hours and membership. When the moon landing took place, he held my oldest brother up to the television as the event was covered. My brother was just a baby, but my dad was already teaching him about significant events. I can remember him making sure we gathered around the TV when Lady Diana Spencer and Prince Charles of Wales wed. Granted, that didn't end with a happily ever after, but we couldn't know that at the time of the major world event.

Generosity & Kindness - Do for others what you can, and sometimes, maybe a little more

This may be the biggest of all and one he showed me the most. He is a giver, if not financially, then through time and sharing.

In my childhood, my dad managed the food and other household goods collection and distribution at the Catholic church we belonged to. After mass, the donations left in designated areas of the church would be gathered and taken to a pantry in the basement of the rectory. He would then organize the products in their different areas. He would also make his own donations. The king of coupons, special offers, and weekly discounts for grocery shopping would always buy things for the food pantry while getting our family's groceries. Then, it would be time to "shop" the pantry. He would gather a variety of items to be taken to the families in his address box filled with names and addresses of the people the parish staff knew were in need. The assistance also went beyond the offerings behind the pantry door and would be for payment of utilities where the need was greater. Sometimes, I would help and go on deliveries and sometimes they were people I knew. I don't remember if he ever told me outright, but I knew we were doing something private, something I shouldn't share with others out of respect for those on the receiving end. At the holidays, the need was greater and turkeys, hams, and gifts were added to the deliveries. And, the same respect for the dignity of the recipients was there for me to see.

This already seems to have gone long and yet I feel I haven't even begun to do him justice. I do know that if the world were filled with more people who were even half the person my dad is, it would be a much better place.      

'Tis the Season

This isn't the entry I have been planning to write. That will have to wait for another day soon. I had a moment this morning while reading my Facebook News Feed that got me thinking and I decided to throw the thoughts out to the gaping maw of the bottomless pit which is cyberspace.

The stretch of time between the U.S.'s Thanksgiving through New Year's Day, you know, when different groups celebrate different things while wrapping  up one year and looking to the next. Grumpiness, Bah Humbugs, and Grinch-like behavior sometimes peep through, even from the holliest and jolliest of folks. But, there are some things that I don't see as worth getting your Burgermeister Meisterburger up in arms over.

I fall into the category of a "Happy Holidays" wisher, for the most part. You may find that offensive, put me in my proverbial place, delete me from social media, never read my blog again, and go off to commiserate with Bill O'Reilly and the rest of the War on Christmas protesters. (If saying, "Happy Holidays" is an act of war, I don't know what is going on in the Middle East!) Anyway, you can take that approach, as is your right.

Or, may I suggest an alternative? You can smile, say "Thank You!", maybe a "Merry Christmas" in return if that is your preferred greeting to use. You can be gracious and accept the greeting, as generic or blanket statement-like as you feel it is, in the spirit with which it is most likely intended. It is not a dig at those celebrating Christmas. It is not a bleeding heart conspiracy term meant to start a war. It is a pleasantry akin to "Have a nice day" or "I hope all is well." If someone were to say to me, "Happy Hanukkah (or Chanukah or Chanukkah)!" I would not be offended because, in that moment of well wishing, it is not about the holiday celebrated or the religion practiced. It's a simple exchange of greetings which takes a few seconds out of our chaotic lives to just be kind to one another.

During a time when faces are buried in smart phones, lines are long, people are running ragged, even a smile and a nod with no words at all is a breath of fresh air. Winter is gray, day light is with us for a shorter amount of time, and some are going through the worst times of their lives. This stretch of time from Thanksgiving through New Year's Day is so often associated with giving. The giving doesn't have to be materialistic. A week ago, I was in line behind a man at Target. During his transaction, the chit-chat between he and the cashier revealed that it was his birthday. When he was done, he went to the in-store Starbucks. As I was leaving the checkout, I went to the Starbucks and offered to buy his coffee. He turned me down, but while doing so said, "No, but thank you. That is the best gift I've received." So, my point is, just being kind in action or in words captures the spirit of the season.

My wish for all, as Blues Traveler sings, is:

And everybody sings
If it's Chanukah or Kwanza
Solstice, harvest or December twenty-fifth
Peace on earth to everyone
And abundance to everyone you're with.

Take time for a moment of kindness

I'm going to resist the temptation to go on some kind of rant about the events in Ferguson, Missouri or Cleveland, Ohio. It is so easy for me to get worked up and focus on the negatives of this world. Even without the disturbing events in the news, I get down in the dumps this time of year for a few reasons.

A few months ago, life, both personal and the world in general, were bringing me down. I made a conscious effort to find something positive, even uplifting, you might say. There was this thing going around Facebook that really was all about kindness. I posted on my page that I would do something nice for the first 5 people to say that they would be in and would do something for 5 people. It was about paying kindness forward. Obviously, we should be kind to people as a general rule for life, but this just served to bring it to the forefront of one's mind.

I finished my list of five. The last two haven't gotten theirs yet. I need to get them shipped. The list was an interesting combo of people because some of them were people I knew pretty well and some that I haven't seen for years or don't know them all that well outside of Facebook. This made me have to put more thought into what I did. I had to use Facebook and sometimes other social media sites to get an idea about the person in order to figure out what might be a nice surprise. From the responses of some who got their gifts already, I felt pretty good about what I decided to do for them.  Maybe "Friends" was right about good deeds.

 One response along with a photo of the items popped up on my Facebook feed:

So I had a really bad day today, then my son got the mail and there was a package from Colorado from my old grade school friend, Meg. See I wrote on her pay it forward status and she sent me MINIONS!!!! She also sent me a magnet with one of my favorite quotes on it... "One person can make a difference, and everyone should try." JFK. In fact I had used this quote today at work arguing a point I was trying to make. And did I mention the minions?

Another person also posted a picture of the gift and messages on two different days:

There are some days that I feel like I'm just "not going to make it through the day" today was getting to be one of those days. Then the mail came. Meg this "pay it forward" is literally the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. I am speechless. You changed my life this afternoon, I can't thank you enough. Even more awesome, you captured the spirit in each of my kids with the pictures you chose and, you don't even know them. You are awesome

and:

I just want you to know, my pay it forward gift is also getting me through this day. This day has been a really crappy one I read your card again and I can breathe. Faith restored in people because of you, Thank you! Some people suck but not everyone sucks!!!

I really felt good after reading the posts. They gave me a boost of happy in my day. It's weird for me to post this because it makes me feel like I'm bragging. While at my therapist's around the time of those Facebook messages, I said, "Okay, I'm going to stop talking now because I'm starting to sound..." She cut me off and said, "No, no you don't. You are not tooting your own horn. Even if you think you are, it would only be a very quiet, "toot, toot." She knew where I was going in my head before I even finished talking. UGH! Maybe that horn is getting louder now. I'm sorry.

Now, it's not just my own kindnesses that got me all warm and fuzzy, so let me make up for my bragging. Seeing others being treated with kindness and complimented makes me feel good, too.

Almost 2 months ago, my parents were involved in a car accident that could have been much worse, but still landed them in the hospital. They both had broken vertebrae and left the hospital wearing braces. One of my brothers and his family took them in because my mom and dad weren't going to be able to manage on their own at their own house. After about a month and a half, they are back at their own house.

Anyway, the outpouring of support and generosity shown toward them from so many people was heartwarming. It helped put me at some ease since I live 1,300-ish miles away. There were cards, flowers, and visits. And, some went beyond that by running errands, bringing them Communion (they are Catholic), making them meals and much more. It is just nice to know that such kindness exists in what can be such a fucked up world.

Another thing going on that brings a lump to my throat has to do with my father-in-law, Jerry. Over this last year, he and my husband have been working on publishing his rodeo photography into a hard cover book. When the idea for doing this came about, Jerry joined Facebook. It gave him the opportunity to reconnect with old friends and people from his days on the rodeo circuit. The kind words, deep respect, and memories people have shown toward him are so touching to read. He, in turn, has shared wonderful words about Shawn and his involvement in the process. It is beautiful to witness.

So, I guess I'm really just trying to point out the importance to, as Ellen DeGeneres says at the end of her show, "be kind to one another."