Thursday, April 21, 2016

Third Treatment Eve

I wish I was writing to say that this has been an amazing week of amazingness that has me filled with all kinds of joy and optimism. My first treatment left me feeling physically beaten up. I came out of anesthesia with some violent flailing of my arms and legs. There is just a brief snapshot of the faces of the staff trying to speak to me.

Each session starts with me filling out paperwork. Paperwork wanting to know just how shitty I feel about myself at that moment in time. So, pretty shitty is how that works. Then, I get asked some other questions. What's the date? Where am I? City? State? Country? What treatment am I receiving? I'm also given three words to remember and after other questions, I have to list back what the three things are. I couldn't tell you all six things from this week so far. I think a tree and a shoe and maybe a basket were involved.

Things are surreal. I'm in bitch mode today. Jarvis got yelled at because I didn't have patience for his wining at me as I sat on the couch. He didn't deserve that. My fear of actually just being a horrible person are building stronger.

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