Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Help me help you to stop not helping me

I am not sad. My experience is not some Facebook-sad-face-emoji post. This isn't a bad day or a bad few days that will blow over.

I also don't claim to be some kind of depression Lorax. I speak for me.

So, telling me about the importance of a positive outlook is not helpful. Posts with mountain vistas or sunsets or waterfalls that have inspirational messages about tomorrow being better are actually very close to being counterproductive for me. Why? Because I am not sad.

My iTunes has R.E.M.'s "Everybody Hurts" that should help me to understand that I am not alone. I also have "Carry On" by FUN, which can really pump me up like some kind of anthem to inspire a positive attitude. Sometimes, I do listen to these songs and others and have a nice moment. But, again, this doesn't help. Why? Because I am not sad.

The things I've mentioned, again, speaking only for myself, can seem like wrapping "suck it up" or "get over it" with some warm fuzzies to make it seem helpful. I feel a tremendous amount of pressure when I hear these things. It's like everything is so simplified that I feel worse for being a failure who can't just read some meme and go, "YES! Why I haven't I thought of this? I just need to change my attitude!" It adds more "proof" to my stockpile of evidence to just how much I suck at life.

I am not sad. This is very important to understand.

I am not sad. Sadness can be rational. Depression cannot.

No sad-face emoji here.

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