Today is the worst in a long line of bad days. I have lost all control of emotions, rational thought, and even some bodily functions. I have a ping-pong match, pinball machine, and a handball game all taking place in my head with nothing to slow them down. This is not a joke.
There is nothing that is working for me today.
My ECT is to start the week of April 18th. Right now, I am completely honest in that my hopes for it to work are not high. Statistically, the odds are in my favor. However, someone has to fall into the fail rate in order for there to be those statistics. In this moment, I believe I will be one of those statistics.
If ECT does not work for me, I don't know what that will mean.