I've been in this place for months now. There are many things to write about, but I can't quite manage to do it. It should be so simple. It's my life, I know the subject matter best, or do I? I don't know. I wonder.
I suppose life is filled with ripping the Band-Aid off moments, and this is kind of like one more.
My dad.
My dad is.
My dad is dead.
The last time I saw my dad, in real life, not virtually, was October 16th, 2019 when I was leaving to come home to Colorado after 2 months with him in Ohio. He had been quite sick. I already had a trip planned and just extended it.
The last time I saw him in a virtual capacity was December 22nd, 2020. He was in the hospital and his nurse Face Time'd Shawn and me. It was the end and the nurse gave us a chance to say goodbye. Early the next morning, my mom called to tell me he was gone. He died on Christmas Eve Eve. It was a weird kind of thing to have him die during his favorite time of year. Christmas had always been his thing and I always thought about that every year, now it just comes to mind in a different way.
I can't get all the words out. I'm far from getting all the tears out. I don't know that I ever will.
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