Starting to wonder if I have it in me. I think about how I'm just tired, so tired and now we'll be adding a new level of exhaustion. With the ECT comes anesthesia. Three times a week of being put under. I have had 5 different experiences with being put under and I'm not the best at coming out of it. I mean, groggier than most and slower.
I also can't help but wonder how I will be after. Not the initial coming to, but the longer term. What if I don't know how to be different than I am now? What if it simply doesn't take? What if I'm stuck where I am?
Some people worry about losing their depression or anxiety because they are afraid that when those things are gone, there will be holes. That they will not be whole people. They forget that lots of the best cheeses are aged and full of holes. So, be a cheese I guess?
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