Exiting Crazy Town

I have debated about writing this post, but I've not held back on my health, mental and physical, thus far. Stigma sucks, but it's real and needs to be addressed.

Yesterday was my monthly psych appointment. This is the medical, not the talk therapy shit. I've been bouncing around meds for years. Some help me for long stretches, some make me worse, and some just don't do anything. The last few months things have been bad, baaaaaaaad. At my appointment, I sat down and said, "I'm tired. Not just physically. I'm tired. I'm tired in every way possible. I'm sad and then I'm pissed. I wanted to run over some teenagers who were being punk ass teenagers. I flip people off. I'm angry at work. I get angry at Shawn. I get mad at Jarvis. I'm done. I'm tired." Doc looked at me for a minute.

Then, she brought up ECT (Electroconvulsive Therapy). Asked me what I knew of it. Of course I go right to "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" even though I know it is not like that now. I've read about it before, but never talked about it with any of my doctors. She went on to explain things about it and to say that she never expected to bring it up in that appointment until I sat down. I sat there just kind of dazed. Thankfully, Shawn was there to actually pay attention to things and ask questions.

So, shit is getting real. I'm trying to process it all and decide where to go from here.

Hanging on

I was hoping for more relief by now, but that hasn't happened. Things haven't improved and may even be worse. The medications don't seem to be the right mix or dosage. I don't know. My next appointment is Wednesday. The struggle keeps getting realer.