When it's someone you know on the other side of #MeToo

Earlier this week, someone we know was revealed to have been accused of sexual harassment. This is guy I know through Shawn. He falls in the nameless in between of acquaintance and friend. He's a big personality, you know he is in the room. He's an affectionate guy. When I first met him, he asked if he could give me a hug. There was an understanding of consent, it seemed. I'm not so much a hugger (outside of a very short list of people in my life), but Shawn was there and I figured no biggie. Hell, it avoided me going for the handshake "goodbye" and him going in for the hug. That's an awkward turn of events.

So, this has weighed heavily on my mind. His side of the story includes the "it was a misunderstanding" approach. This may very well be the case for him. Him thinking he misread things doesn't minimize what the victims' sides of their stories are. His misreading them, doesn't mean they misread him and his desire for something from them that they didn't want to give. So, he may feel some contrition about the situation. That, however, doesn't mean victims are now negated.

I've struggled the last two days with how I feel about all of this. Should I feel differently because the accused is part of my societal bubble? Should I charge to his defense? How does this play into #MeToo? Was it easier to shake my fist at celebrities accused of similar things and far worse? Doesn't it carry more weight when there are multiple accusers? They can't all be full of shit or all giving off misunderstood vibes, right? So, so many questions.

What I have decided to do, for now, is unfriend him. Part of this comes from reading his page on one of the social media outlets. There were people firmly standing by him and claiming him as their friend in a stance of solidarity. It bothered me, in a way, because of the comments threads that ensued. I understand wanting to support your friend and give him the opportunity for change, or even redemption. He even wrote about changes he has been working toward throughout the years and those he'll add. But, when the comments took a turn from "you are still my friend" to a super rah-rah-rah and "it's a fucking witch hunt" and "the writer is a fucker" and the "victims" "want to destroy a man's livelihood for their own sadistic desires"...that set a different tone which made me uncomfortable. It made me think, why would I come forward?