I thought I had identified all of my triggers regarding my infertility. I also thought that I had gotten better about letting them get me down.
When in stores like Target, I don't walk around the entire store to avoid the baby section. At the grocery store, I can handle seeing diapers and baby food. I can look at pregnancy and newborn photo shoots on Facebook and not completely lose my shit. This isn't at all to say that pain doesn't exist.
Recently, I discovered a new pain. It's something I've seen phrased in different ways by different people. It's when women describe giving birth and the first moment of seeing and holding the newborn. The moment seems to always be described as finding real love for the first time. Sometimes it's saying that they thought they new love before but not really until now. They never thought they could love someone so completely.
So, the love I share with Shawn didn't result in a baby and all of this makes it seem that I'm experiencing some lesser form of love.
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