This weekend marks a year since discovering our IVF treatment didn't work. I probably wouldn't be able to forget it, but given that it happened a few days before my birthday, I can't forget. Just like, if it would have worked, the baby would have come around Christmas. So, the gifts I wanted for 2013 didn't come, and won't come in 2014, or 2015, or...
I never have a day during which I don't think of my infertility at least once. This dreaded anniversary has just made it more front and center.
This morning, I took Jarvis on a walk. Shawn and I have come to refer to each other as mommy and daddy when we talk to him. I said something like, "Jarvis, you need to listen to mommy when I tell you to drop it." At that moment, I realized, I will never hear the voice of a small child call me "Mommy."
I have had so many thoughts about my infertility; so many moments of heartbreak. Today's was just a new version.