Saturday, May 11, 2019

Here I go again.

I've been binge watching Six Feet Under. I watched it years ago. I'm on the final season and it's been tough. Ruth Fisher (Frances Conroy) is married to George Sibley (James Cromwell). George is struggling with psychotic depression (not what I have, to be clear). His treatment is ECT, which, we all know, is something I am very familiar with.

The way the show's style is, there are scenes that turn out to be in someone's head. You have this moment of thinking, "Is this scene for real?" So Ruth is on her own taking care of George. They are at the kitchen table and she absolutely looses her shit! She goes on about having to be his caretaker and not having help and all of the resentments that she holds tight and the rage she feels.

Where I went for my treatments, they had a social worker who would focus on being a support for the caretakers of the patients. Shawn was seeing that social worker which I didn't know, or maybe I did know but didn't remember. I mean it was ECT.

As I watched Ruth have the meltdown in her head, I thought of Shawn. I thought of what must have been, what must be in Shawn's head when it comes to me. I wondered about his sessions with the social worker. I wonder what feelings he swallows

There's another character who takes lithium and seroquel, two of my five drugs. He decides to stop. I wonder what that would be like.

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