From my point of "The View"

Here's another post about recent events on "The View" to get lost in the world wide web's abyss. Yeah, I'm adding my -2&cent.

I watched the clip of the segment and as it started I thought it was being blown out of proportion in the "click bait" way the internet has created with trending topics. It seemed to me that Michelle Collins was simply (or maybe not so simply) saying that she didn't think reciting a self-written monologue was really that much of a talent when others were singing opera or playing instruments. Nursing wasn't under attack, in my point of view. Perhaps that would have been the end of it and nursing would become the focus if Miss Colorado, Kelley Johnson, wasn't wearing her scrubs while reciting the monologue, we'll never know. Then...

The conversation had all the cross-talk interrupting that I have come to know as the norm for these panel talk shows. At that point, nursing was starting to become part of it. "Nursing costume" and "doctor's stethoscope" were thrown out for all to hear in viral video clips across all of social media.

Since then, apologies were issued about the misconstrued statements. Michelle Collins expressed her mad love for nurses and how they deserve raises. This after some pretty negative tweets toward the nursing community that she since deleted. Deleted, I'm guessing, because the would conflict with the public apology being given to save the show.  Joy Behar's apology about her "doctor's stethoscope" comment was thrown into the mix. She played the "some of my best friends" card by naming the people she knows who use stethoscopes which are not the doctors only instruments. THEN, her back-pedaling went on to say she really had not been paying attention to the whole conversation that had been taking place. She simply saw a woman in scrubs and wearing a stethoscope on the screen and was wondering what that was about. Probably one of the worst things a talk show host could admit to, in my opinion. REALLY? You weren't paying attention to what was being TALKED about on the TALK show you host....especially that day when you were sitting in what has been known in the moderator seat at the table. That's really not helping your case and perhaps you should stop and gather your thoughts before TALKING.

As time has passed since the initial criticism of her "talent", I've thought more about what "talent" is. Maybe Miss Colorado wasn't reciting the most profound monologue ever. It may not have been as enthralling as a Ted Talk from Bren&eacute Brown, but I know that public speaking isn't in my wheelhouse. So, whether she talked about nursing or not, speaking on a stage without nothing but yourself present is pretty damn talented in my eyes.

Now, if people were thinking that she was presenting nursing as her talent, I'm on board with nursing being a talent. I don't know how many of the nurses I know do it. I have no poker face to keep me from completely breaking down in front of patients when they need me to be my strongest. The list of other skills and talents nurses need to get through the day is longer than I can even think of, I'm sure. Careers require talents. I mean, when asked about strengths in an interview or trying to sell yourself on paper in a r&eacutesum&eacute, most often, you are listing some kind of talent.

I'm not sure if Kelley Johnson can sing, dance, or play an instrument. Maybe she can or maybe she can't. Maybe she thought her message was stronger than if she would have done any of those things. If I were the type of person to be in pageants, I'm not sure what I would try to do for that portion of the competition. Would pulling out a couch, sitting at my laptop, watching reality TV while playing #hashtag games on Twitter work? Miss America isn't strictly a talent competition, you can find those kinds of things on FOX and NBC (trust me, I know TV). The winner of the pageant goes on tour, but not a concert tour, a tour based on the platform they wish to promote to improve the world. As a nurse who didn't win the final title, Miss Colorado is still going on to improve the world one patient, patient's family, and coworker at a time.

Finally, what "The View" hosts and many others seem to have missed in Kelley Johnson's monologue is how the message went beyond nursing. It was about not minimizing yourself with the use of "I'm just a..."  

Hard work, dedication, and dreams coming true

I love my husband and have many reasons for doing so. Some of them are none of your damn business. However, I do have some things I am willing to share, even brag about to the masses. So, here it goes.

Over 20 years ago, he met his friend Al at CU Boulder. Out of that meeting they developed their geeky interests and unique talents into a long-term friendship. They really had creative energy between them that, all these years later, brought them to a realization of a collaborative dream.

The original idea was to create a superhero role-playing game. They began work on this and from that came a whole other project! Five years ago they launched their webcomic The Specialists.

I admire them both. Al is a talented artist, a good friend, has good taste in woman seeing as he married my long-time friend Linda. Shawn is a talented writer, a good friend, married me so the good taste may be debatable, and he's great father.

This creative team has come quite far since the initial launch of the comic. They have developed a fan base, a growing audience, and actively engage readers in dialogue via comments on the site. The commitment they have made to this project has my admiration, especially since both have full-time careers and lives outside of the comic. How they do it is still a mystery to me.

At this point, they have finished 4 chapters of the story of The Specialists. As a chapter finished online, they printed them in paperback, taking them to various comic/pop culture conventions. Now, they are working on releasing a hardback volume comprised of all four chapters in one beautiful book. If you would like to help them to reach this next phase of their vision, please consider backing them in their Kickstarter campaign. Passing along the campaign to those you think may be interested, pledging even $1, and/or following the online version of The Specialists are all appreciated ways of giving your support to my personal superhero and our superhero friend. They are quite the dynamic duo. 

Ready for the ride to come to a complete stop

This medication roller-coaster is getting old. I've gone from 80 mg of Paxil to 60 mg and holding. A trip home halted the taper so that I wasn't changing again while gone. This was wise, I guess, because I lost my shit in a REALLY big way making it the worst trip home in the 10 years since I've lived away.

Anyway, a few more days until my next appointment.

I'm in a dark place.

Maybe Wednesday will bring light.

This ride may get bumpy

After more months than it should have taken, I got around to seeing a new psychiatrist (actually a psychiatric nurse practitioner). My first appointment was this week and lasted about an hour and a half. Shawn was with me, which was so great. I still had pretty intense anxiety about this new start, but Shawn's presence certainly helped.

This doctor wants Shawn there for the first few appointments. She thinks it's important to gain insights from his observations of me (poor guy). I also thought this was a really good idea. I've actually thought about it before, with other doctors. Also, a lot of it can be overwhelming and I'm a slow processor, so he can help me with all of that.

Looking at the history of my meds and results of an brief activity she had Shawn and me do, she suspects that I may have been being treated for the wrong condition all this time. Her suspicion is that I'm not dealing with chronic depression that SSRIs will successfully help. So, now the tapering begins. I'll be weaning off Paxil for the next few weeks.

What happens after that? Right now, the plan is working in lithium. Why lithium? Well, it's a classic. It's had some staying power. But, also because she thinks that I'm really a rider on the bipolar-coaster.

Bipolar depression. There it is. I'm still processing this whole thing. Obviously, she can't say this with absolute certainty after the one appointment, but that's kind of how the whole thing works; a lot of trial and error with medications. At first, I didn't think her suspicions of bipolar depression was something that bothered me. I have to admit, though, that it is weirding me out a bit. The stigma around various mental health issues is something that has bothered me. But, I guess that was easier for me when I thought I was just simply "depressed." So ridiculous, I know. Obviously, I have my own taboo issues about some of the other mental illness diagnoses that reflect the presence of that stigma within myself.

Big bonus points to this psychiatrist for having an adorable, 11-month old, Black Mouth Cur puppy. It's really nice to just see her and pet her (the puppy, not the doctor, just to be clear).

We did it our way

Thinking about our anniversary, my wish for couples who are planning weddings is to do it your way. You and your partner chose each other and you are the ones who should choose how that decision should be demonstrated to others.

You make the guest list and understand that feelings will be hurt; resentments will be felt, and, down the road, you may look back and think some changes should have been made. You can't invite everyone (unless you have the most amazing budget ever), so lines have to be drawn. You two get to draw those lines.

Each and every step of the way is for you TWO to decide. Yes, the two of you. It should never be only about one of you. If one of you doesn't have strong preferences, you should still be in the loop. Compromises may have to be made, but if you can't make them regarding the day of your wedding, you may have trouble with the ones required by the actual marriage.

Make your wedding authentically yours. That is what you want your memories to be and compliments about it being "so you guys" and "awesome" and "one of the best" will let you know you succeeded.

Unhappy Anniversery

Today marks a year since my hysterectomy. I feel like these posts "Thoughts-ectomy" and "Things still aren't what they're supposed" aren't really far from how I still feel today.

I had the distraction of work and a long nap to keep me from having to think about this day too much.

Hey, but I'm a year without a period, so there's that.

Some pocket change

So many thoughts and opinions. Let's get this post-y started!

GAY MARRIAGE

SCOTUS got this one right, for sure...well, enough of SCOTUS got it right to make it so all 50 states have to allow gay marriage. I'm glad my friends cannot only get married, but now that marriage has to be recognized no matter where they go in the U.S.

So far, my marriage hasn't been destroyed because of this. So far, none of my liberal counterparts, well, whom I'm aware of, have started on a campaign for the right to marry animals. It may be too soon to tell, though.

I don't understand when people make the leap from gay marriage to bestiality. Is gay marriage really the gateway to that? For me, I would think a push for legalizing polygamy would come before human-animal marriage. If bestiality is the first thing coming to your mind, you may want to get that checked out.

COURAGE

I will openly state that the "T" portion of the LGBT community has always been a struggle for me to understand. My real life experiences with transgenders have not always been my proudest moments. With the birth of Caitlyn Jenner, I've really found myself trying to get a better view. I still have the then Bruce Jenner interview with Diane Sawyer saved on the DVR because I feel like it is something I can go back to and learn more, gain more understanding. I'm not sure what makes me feel so uncomfortable with this subject, but I know I want to work on that.

In 1993, ESPN started an awards program, Excellence in Sports Performance Yearly Award (ESPY). This year, Caitlyn Jenner was selected to receive the Arthur Ashe Courage Award. I have had a vague awareness of this awards program. Basically, I knew it had to do with sports and ESPN. I couldn't tell you the categories, the names of winners, the time of year it airs. I honestly think most people didn't have much of a clue about them, either. It seems like ESPN viewers who are hardcore fans of sports were probably those who knew the details. That is, until this year.

The 2015 ceremony was moved to broadcast television. Between the move to ABC and Caitlyn Jenner being selected for a courage based award, all kinds of people became aware of the ESPYs and started to care who was getting what award. I even wonder how many people even have a clue who Arthur Ashe was (which is a shame because he did some big deal things).

So, getting back to the topic of courage. One of the things social media and the internet in general is good for is being a means to spew hate. Courage is one of those subjects for which everyone has an opinion and definition. I think everyone can think of someone to deem courageous. We can always argue that one person as better than another, but honestly, that is a pissing match that is hard for anyone to win. There can be more than one type of situation requiring courage and even more people to embody it. This award is given each year to one person, one person out of all those who are also deserving. You try picking just one person WITHOUT someone somewhere arguing that someone else deserved it more.

Thankfully, the world wide web does other things well. It helps me see that some people are using it to show the kind side of humanity. Things like this image that I've been seeing shared all over social media:

And, there's also this perspective which states things better than I just tried to do.

UGH! This is longer and more poorly written than I had planned, but I'm posting anyway. Apologies for the randomness and disjointed nature of this post. I'll try for better work next time.