Oh, my boys

Me: Dammit, Jarvis, don't eat all that goose poop!

Jarvis: Oh, I'm sorry... did you want some?

UPDATE - Another walk

Before the walk:

Jarvis: Okay, let's go! Let's get out the door! Let's head out! Like now, like right now...

Me: Hang on, Buddy, I have to put on my socks.

Jarvis: Okay, your socks are on, now let's go!

Me: I just have to get my shoes on...

Jarvis: Great, got the shoes, now it's Walk Time!

Me: Just a second, I need my jacket...

Jarvis: Oh, for fuck's sake!

During the walk:

Jarvis: How are humans the dominant species on the planet?

Me: What do you mean?

Jarvis: "Oh, I'm a human, I can't go outside without shoes, or I'll hurt my dainty pink feet! It's too cold to go out without a jacket! My human skin is so sensitive!" What's all that blubber for if not insulation?

Me: It's not "blubber"... It's just, you know... cookies are delicious...

After the walk:

Jarvis: Hey, where's my treat?

Me: Since you're so advanced, I figured you could get it yourself.

Jarvis: What?

Me: Yeah, just stand erect and use your opposable thumbs to open the freezer. Oh, wait...

Jarvis: That's cold, man. That's real cold.

Our protector

The landscaping crew was out shoveling and salting. One of the crew was shoveling our walk, all the way to the door. Jarvis was at the window next to the door without uttering a peep.

Me: Um, not a sound for that person approaching?

Jarvis: Meh.

Me: Meh?! What do you mean, "meh"? You lose your shit when someone parks out front and shuts their door.

Jarvis: Well they may be dangerous.

Me: Oh. My. God. They just get out of their car and don't come near the door. This person is at our door with a shovel!

Jarvis: But, I don't need to bark.

Me: Quite frankly, you almost never need to bark at anyone.

Jarvis: This person is good.

Me: What do you mean?

Jarvis: This person is working with me, not against me for your safety.

Me: Thanks for looking out for us, buddy.

It's a Dark Knight

Shawn: Come on, Buddy, it's dark out.

Jarvis: All the more reason to be vigilant. I may not be the hero {insert city} deserves, but I'm the hero it needs right now.

Dog walking: A guest post from Shawn

Jarvis and me on a walk...

Jarvis: Hang on, I'm going to poop.
Me: Okay.
Jarvis: Okay, this is a good spot. Let me just...
Me: Hang on, don't do it there. Come over here a ways.
Jarvis: Oh, I shouldn't poop?
Me: Yes, go ahead, I just didn't want you to do it over there, right next to those people's window. Just do it over here.
Jarvis: I see, no pooping then.
Me: What? No, you can poop, just not over there. Go ahead.
Jarvis: I understand. I won't poop then.
Me: Why are you being like this? I think you're being passive-aggressive.
Jarvis: I don't know what that is. It sounds like a human thing.
Me: Are you going to poop or what?
Jarvis: No need.
Me: -sigh- Fine.

Twenty minutes later, at home...

Jarvis: Take me out, I need to poop.

***

Another walk with Jarvis...

Jarvis: GRRRRR
Me: What's the matter?
Jarvis: I hate those guys so much!
Me: Who? You mean those two dogs, that are like a block away? The ones you've never actually interacted with? You hate them?
Jarvis: SO MUCH!
Me: Why? What did they--
Jarvis: HEY ASSHOLES! YEAH, YOU! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NEVER TO COME AROUND HERE!
Me: Jarvis, they live three doors down from us.
Jarvis: DON'T ACT LIKE YOU CAN'T HEAR ME! IF I GET A HOLD OF YOU, I'M GOING TO RIP OFF YOUR HEADS AND SHOVE THEM UP EACH OTHER'S BUTTS!
Me: They're both bigger than you; I'm pretty sure they'd beat the crap out of you!
Jarvis: DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? DO YOU KNOW WHO THE FUCK I AM?!?!
Me: Jesus, Jarvis, chill out! Where did that come from? Look, they're gone now, you can relax.

Jarvis: ~whine~

Me: Now what's wrong?
Jarvis: I miss those guys...

Shit happens

Today on "Meg and Jarvis Take A Walk" I think is the most bizarre experience I have ever had while walking Jarvis. We were walking along a path between a couple small fields. He was sniffing around, as dogs are wont to do, and took interest in a stick. He hasn't really acted on his stick addiction in a very long time. I let him sniff awhile. Then, he did a really weird thing. He put his ear to the ground as if trying to detect a train coming. With his head down, he was smelling the stick. Then, just as I realize it is not a stick, but rather the longest straight piece of shit I have every seen, he goes for a full on roll on the ground as if he was in a pile of snow. I tugged him away. Thankfully, it was a completely petrified log of poo. He managed not to get any of it on him. I checked him for any signs of it and only found some dried leaves. Someone will still be getting a bath. 🤦‍♀️

Abby Cat

From a Facebook post on Monday, August 6th, 2018:

I have posted pictures of the Queen Bee, Office Diva, Abby. The 16-year-old seal point who ran the show. She assigned you paperwork when she felt like getting up from atop it. She’d take it upon herself to make attempts at rebooting or reprogramming or just typing some kind of mess on your laptop. I swear she came very close to changing my passwords at times. She also enjoyed licking condensation from my giant, ice filled, water jug.

She was particular about her surroundings, her diet, her water bowl, and her people. Morgan was her person, no one could compare. She was so connected to Morgan that she shared her ringworm with her TWICE! The rest of the office was second tier for sure. Some of us aren’t cat people. I mean, we’ll rescue them, but we don’t have them as pets. But with Abby’s 4 months with us we didn’t really become cat people, but we did become Abby people.

Friday morning was probably the most difficult time I’ve had since joining Life Is Better. Abby, who had been through ringworm and food strikes had been diagnosed with renal failure earlier in the week. It was decided that, at 16, it was best to let her go. So, I drove specifically to see her one last time. I’m glad I was there and I’m glad I was with Abby’s #1 and the rest of the 2nd tier crew as we watched her slowly leave us.

#queenabby #proudtobeanabbyperson #adoptdontshop#rescuedismyfavoritebreed #thatrescuelife 

Abby on  a pile of paperwork as she ponders assigning it to me.

Attempting to reboot and then change passwords.

Thirsty kitty is thirsty.

The thirst is real.